Funny Marriage Quotes From Your Favorite Comedians

Share This Post

These are some of the most funny things comedians have to say about marriage.

Ask married couples what the most important qualities are in a spouse and you will probably find “sense of humor”. It’s a good thing! It’s hard to be married, so if you can have a good time and laugh about it, you will be more likely (and each other) to make it work. We have compiled a list of jokes and quotes about marriage from some famous comedians to get you started.

“Before you decide to marry someone, you should make sure they use slow Internet so that you can see their true identity.” Will Ferrell

“Why should I buy the cow?” Perhaps because the cow constantly asks you when it’s coming to buy it. You share a tiny apartment with the cow, so you can’t avoid this question. The cow is far more adept at argument than you are… But, for real, why would anyone buy a cow? Let’s face it. Why would you buy a cow? Because you love her. It’s true. -John Mullaney

Being a good husband can be likened to being a comedian. Before you can be called a beginner, you need to have ten years of experience. -Jerry Seinfeld

“Some people wonder what the secret is to our long marriage. Two times per week, we take the time to visit a restaurant. We go out for dinner with a little candlelight and some soft music. I go Fridays and she goes Tuesdays. -Henny Youngman

“I love being married. It’s great to find the one person you love and will be a constant source of irritation for the rest your life. -Rita Rudner

“My wife made sure we registered for fine china because you never know when Pope Francis will stop by. -Jim Gaffigan

Imagine if marriage was not possible. Imagine the conversation. Imagine you were the guy, and you would be like.

“Only married people understand how it is possible to be happy and miserable at the same moment.” -Chris Rock

Spend a few minutes each day listening to your spouse. “No matter how silly his problems may seem to you. -Megan Mullally

I don’t want the stories of the struggle to keep sex interesting or the effort it takes to plan a date. I would love to see you guys share every episode of The Bachelorette in secret shame. Or that one got the other hooked onto Breaking Bad. If either watch it without the other, they are dead meat. I would love to see you guys give each other high fives like you’re teammates in a recreational softball league you both play for fun. Mindy Kaling

“All my friends get married. “I guess I’m at an age when people give up.” Amy Schumer

“Would you like to see what marriage really looks like?” Fine. She’s there when you wake up. She’s waiting for you when you get back from work. She’s there when you fall asleep. She’s there when you eat dinner. Do you know what? It sounds terrible, I’m sorry. Ray Barone

“Obviously, if a serious relationship was to be established with someone for a long-term period of time, my family would be the last people I would introduce him too. -Chelsea Handler

“F*ck it…that’s the attitude that keeps a whole family together. It’s not “We love one another.” It’s not ‘We love each other’. -Louis C.K.

“My wife was afraid to the dark… she then saw me naked, and now she is afraid of light.” -Rodney Dangerfield

“Marrying is hard because you have to deal both with your feelings and the lawyers.” -Richard Pryor

“Never discount the idea that marriage is possible. You might be told by someone that marriage is just a piece on paper. Money is also important, and there’s nothing more life-affirming that cold, hard cash. -Dennis Miller

“I am getting married today. My only worry is that I might say “I do” instead of “I do”. -Tig Notaro

spot_img

Related Posts

The Ultimate Wedding Coordinator Checklist: From Yes to I Do in No Time Flat!

So, you're about to embark on one heck of a journey, aren't you? Planning a wedding is like juggling flaming torches while riding a...

Lab Grown Diamond Tennis Bracelets: A Sparkling Choice in Vancouver

In recent years, the jewelry industry has witnessed a remarkable transformation with the advent of lab-grown diamonds. Among the many exquisite pieces available, lab-grown...

Short White Wedding Dress: Redefining Bridal Elegance

Oh, the white wedding dress – it's a symbol of purity, love, and the dawn of a new journey. For ages, flowing gowns have...

Buying a Wedding Ring Online: Is It Safe? An In-Depth Analysis

So, you're gearing up for the big day and have your heart set on a ring you glimpsed online. But, hold your horses! Is...

The Latest & Greatest: Top Trends in Wedding Dresses for 2023

Well, well, well! Here you are, soon to tie the knot, or perhaps just daydreaming. Either way, isn't it exciting? Wedding dress trends evolve...

A Photographer’s Guide to the Most Romantic Spots in Chicago

Many people are under the false impression that how you pose for wedding photos is what counts. But the truth is that the location...

7 Adventurous Honeymoon Destinations for Active Couples

When couples plan their wedding, some forget to really think about their honeymoon. Couples take their honeymoon to destinations all over the world, and...

8 Tips to Help You Choose a Wedding Planner

8 Tips to Help You Choose a Wedding Planner It can be daunting to start a business as an experienced wedding planner. It can be...

6 Bridal Stores: Tips On Selecting Your Dream Gown

6 Bridal Stores: Tips On Selecting Your Dream Gown Though designers strive to bring classic styles back into the bridal industry, selecting a wedding gown...
- Advertisement -spot_img

Subscribe

1,000FansLike
1,000FollowersFollow
1,000FollowersFollow

Follow Us

Popular Posts

The Way the Groom and Bride Can Pick Their wedding Sneakers

Wedding afternoon can be now also a memorable minute...

Videography Tips to Make Professional-Looking Videos

You don't need to spend a lot of money...

Elegant wedding Gowns and Components

Nearly all women desire about owning a tasteful wedding...

White Wedding Sneakers – a Few Crucial Recommendations

A marriage has become easily the most significant evening...

Destination Wedding Ceremony Recommendations

There Are Lots of Vacation Destination weddings hints for...

Lab Grown Diamond Tennis Bracelets: A Sparkling Choice in Vancouver

In recent years, the jewelry industry has witnessed a...